August 9, 2024
Dear reader,
My name is Carlo Fioretti Rizzante, I made this website.
Recently, I delved more passionately into the most overlooked sides of consent. And that is fairness, transparency, and accountability.
Since the advent of Speak Up groups, an event organizer in the sex-positive sphere can blacklist an individual across multiple venues without needing to provide any reasoning.
Speak Up groups were groundbreaking in addressing the needs of the most vulnerable individuals. However, secrecy and stiffness are major issues of this system. Verdicts are often reached without reconciliatory efforts or involving the offending party.
It is said that this protects the victim from suffering further abuse.
Aside from the naivety of such an assertion, a system inherently shrouded in secrecy is contrary to ethical standards and, when abused, undermines sex-positive principles.
Transparency and accountability are sorely lacking, leaving unresolved issues at both ends of the spectrum. When increasing emphasis is placed on punishment, some choose not to report infractions at all.
Without detracting from the invaluable work Speak Up has done in addressing the needs of the most vulnerable, and while we don’t tolerate toxic behavior of any sort, we also do not want secret tribunals and having to fear that a misstep will result in a mindless punishment. That does not contribute to the creation of a healthy environment.
Sadly, I observed firsthand that when this system is abused, the imperative is to preserve the status quo, rather than rectify a wrong decision. This is quite traumatic, and hardly a person being excluded from multiple communities at once, gets back to normalcy.
Since last October I am myself living through what resembles a Kafkaesque novel. I want to share my story because quite well exposes the serious flaws of the Speak Up system.
Might this story be an incentive to move forward and design a better system?
I aim to demonstrate that between September and October last year, Sofus Walbom Kring inflated a report of a consent violation as retaliation for my refusal to grant him admin rights for the social media that I created for Sixth Sense.
Despite admissions from other councils that the report had been inflated and my multiple requests for rectification, no reparations have been made to this day.
For those who have never heard of me, I have been part of the burner and sex-positive scenes for the last 15 years. I contributed to shaping Kinky Salon Copenhagen in its early years and I have put substantial effort into creating Sixth Sense, from which Synesthesia later emerged as a spin-off.
It is also perhaps worth mentioning that it was Bent H. who initiated the Kinky Salon Copenhagen in 2009—a truly remarkable person and a very dear friend of mine. A few years later, they suddenly disappeared from the scene and never returned. That might be another story worth telling, for another time.
Kinky Salon is a concept initially created and still owned by Polly Whitaker. She allows others to use it as long as they adhere to the original values. The first KS took place in San Francisco in the early 2000, and the format later expanded to other cities.
So, without further ado…
In late 2022, Sofus Walbom Kring and I started a project that soon became Sixth Sense. A few months later, we were joined by Flemming Ottsen. I was taking care of the creative and community aspects, while Sofus and Flemming primarily curated music. Later in May 2023, I invited Adil Lasmar to join the core team and help us with the accounting.
On August 21, 2023, I met with Sofus and Adil to discuss the viability of converting Sixth Sense into a for-profit company. The day after, I communicated to them that I was leaving the core team.
At this point, I had completed the theme and visual creation for our second event, The Venus Incident.
I have never promised to relinquish intellectual property for what I created for Sixth Sense. In fact, quite the opposite.
On September 23, 2023, I refused to grant admin rights to Sofus for the Facebook and Instagram pages that I created for Sixth Sense, and by extension intellectual property rights for the Sixth Sense brand. They had already editorial capabilities for the Facebook and Instagram pages, which allowed them to post content.
This notion did not sit well with Sofus, who claimed ownership of all those assets, and by extension also ownership over the brand identity and the photos. However, the reality is that I created, art directed, or purchased those assets, and I managed them on my own up to that day. Therefore, under copyright law, I own them.
I had clarified to Sofus and Flemming that I intended to maintain ownership of the Facebook and Instagram pages and of this website. I would act as a guarantor to ensure that Sixth Sense stays true to its foundational principle as a non-profit organization.
Moreover, earlier on the same day, I also met with Adil Lasmar and warned him against using Sixth Sense assets for his business purposes.
I reiterated this notion to them again a week later.
Then, on October 13, 2023, only a few days later, Zep Andersson, a prominent member of the Kinky Salon Copenhagen, informed me that an undisclosed third-party organizer had filed a report about me as an offender. Consequently, I was suspended from attending KSC events for the next six months.
Zep Andersson, Barbara Holden Lockhart, and Noah Weiss run the equivalent of Speak Up within the Kinky Salon Copenhagen. They receive reports of consent violations and take action in response. I have known them for many years and it is odd that they did not bother to gather also my feedback before reaching their verdict.
But more frustratingly, I was also informed by our venue of choice, Den Anden Side, to have been barred from attending our upcoming Sixth Sense event, The Venus Incident. This was harder to accept, given the amount of work that I put into creating it.
Furthermore, I later discovered that the Sixth Sense backstage parties were relocated from my apartment to Adil’s. And so, without any communication, I was canceled out from the Sixth Sense community.
On December 20, 2023, Zep Andersson finally agreed to an informed meeting. He disclosed that the organizer who reported me as an offender to the KSC council was, in fact, Sofus Walbom Kring. I was informed that I had been accused of one of the worst infractions in the history of the KSC. I would like you to ponder over the fact that such a list includes offenders such as Peter Madsen, who was sentenced to a lifetime of imprisonment.
Zep vaguely mentioned stalking and identified Sasa Lukic, a well-known DJ, as the witness. The actual victim was allegedly my ex-partner (whom I'll refer to as X to preserve her anonymity).
Zep offered me a vague explanation of the reasoning behind the exclusion from the KSC, but I could tell that they had incomplete information. I reassured him that X and I did not see, or communicated for a long while at that point. I also informed him of the ongoing issue over the intellectual property of Sixth Sense.
Zep was quite startled, he announced that I was reinstated in the KSC community effective immediately (although, he did not follow up on this), and expressed concerns regarding the true motives behind Sofus's reporting.
He anticipated that an investigation was necessary.
In the meantime, given the lack of response from Sofus or Flemming, I revoked their access to the social media I created for Sixth Sense. And on November 3, 2023, I forbade them and Adil from using any of the assets that I created for Sixth Sense.
On November 14, 2023, Sofus created his spin-of of Sixth Sense copying over text and photos from the original social media. He also organized a spin-off event for February 10, 2024. Admittedly curious, I purchased a ticket for the event.
A few days before the event, Sofus wrote to me in an email that to use my ticket, I had to delete all original social media for Sixth Sense.
I refused and requested a refund. Exploitation and exclusion aren't part of the original vision for Sixth Sense. Therefore my decision to apply for trademark registration of Sixth Sense.
On March 1, 2024, my legal representative sent a cease and desist letter to Sofus Walbom Kring, requesting that he clearly distinguish his social media from Sixth Sense and remove all Sixth Sense assets, including photos owned by Sixth Sense.
On March 7, 2024, I had another informal follow-up meeting with two representatives from the KSC council, Zep Andersson and W (to preserve their anonymity). They admitted that "Sofus took advantage of the system." There was no more mention of stalking, instead, they asked me to recollect an event that occurred at the first Sixth Sense event on May 6, 2023.
I remembered the episode clearly, by briefly saying hello, I interrupted X (my ex-partner) and Sasa Lukic, in one of the dark rooms.
X and I used to be very good friends at that time. We hang out often together and just recently she organized a surprise party for my birthday.
I had two lollipops in my hand and I was looking for X. When I found her I tapped her ankle, said "Hi," and, realizing that I wasn't welcome, I immediately left. You can argue that it wasn't my best judgment. But the notion that a "hi" to my best friend could justify my removal from multiple venues at once, cannot be received. To add irony, I had even given X a free ticket for that event.
That reminded me of a talk I had with a friend months earlier. They mentioned that the Kinky Salon Copenhagen offered a gig to Sasa for their event on October 15, 2023. To accept, my friend said, Sasa put as a condition that I was not allowed in. That sounded odd to me. Sasa and I were both in the same Men's group at the time. Such a group also included Sofus and Adil. We could have easily discussed any of our issues within the group.
So, why no reconciliation whatsoever had been attempted?
I discussed this with Zep and W, pointing out that I had already apologized to X and Sasa in the following days. I also mentioned that it was me to ask X that we would not communicate for some time, a policy we still adhere to.
I also offered my full cooperation in seeking reconciliation, emphasizing that if my ex-partner needed space, I was more than willing to provide it. However, I expressed that by excluding me, they created resentment, making it more difficult for me and X to reconcile.
This is inexcusable. The KSC council created an unnecessary situation, impeding X and me from restoring our lost friendship.
Zep anticipated that he would meet Sofus on March 11 and seek clarification. I am not aware if their meeting took place. But, shortly after, W reached out to me privately, apologizing for the council's mismanagement of my case, and saying that their involvement should have been limited, at best, to facilitating a reconciliation.
Then, something odd happened.
On March 11, 2024, our visit to the venues we were considering for our next Sixth Sense party was canceled on very short notice. When we inquired about the reason, we discovered that the manager of the venue was Zep Andersson. After that, we received no further updates from him for a considerable period. That compromised our work for Sixth Sense #3.
In the meantime, on March 12, 2024, Sofus, unable to legally object to the trademark registration, published a post providing false information about me and Sixth Sense on what is now the Synesthesia Facebook page.
I rectified his inaccuracies on this page. However, I am surprised that the team behind Synesthesia has not yet removed the post.
We at Sixth Sense consider these events a blatant violation of fair competition between event organizers.
Time passed without any updates.
On March 25, 2024, I randomly met with Barbara Holden Lockhart, also a member of the KSC council, in a café. She informed me that there was now a third accusation without providing any further details.
Mind you, this new undisclosed accusation occurred during the period in which I could not attend any of their events. I might be telepathic…
I left with her promise to finally have an official meeting with the council to discuss my case and Sofus' involvement.
I highlighted that I also expected a public apology from the KSC council. You don't just wack someone else life and walk away with a smile. Not surprisingly, they went silent and the meeting had never happened.
Speak Up groups should recognize their moral obligation to take restorative actions when mistakes are made. I have observed instead an abysmal lack of empathy and self-reflection. Rather than pursuing fairness, integrity, and self-accountability, they seem stubbornly obsessed with preserving the status quo.
Due to the lingering suffering that often follows a breakup, Speak Up groups should exercise extra caution when getting involved in reports concerning ex-partners.
This has been sorely overlooked in my case, making it unavoidable to address the involvement of X, my ex-partner.
After the "hello" event, in the Summer of 2023, we both attended Nowhere, the Spanish Burning Man. During the build, X had free access to my camper van, and we shared a few meals there. So clearly, not so intimidated by being in a tight space with me.
There, I met R, we quickly fell in love, and I spent most of my time with her. As the days passed, I noticed that X was growing visibly hurt at the sight of me and R together.
Yet, at no time was I unkind to my X. Most likely, the biggest issue was that my heart was simply elsewhere.
By the time Nowhere was over, X was unable to talk to me. She left a few days early, and once back home, she asked our mutual friends not to invite both of us at the same time. I am quite confident that at that point, she did not ask for my removal from the community altogether.
By not including me before reaching a verdict, the KSC council completely failed to consider the dynamic between me and my ex-partner. I would have gladly offered to give X the space she needed to heal and voluntarily refrained from attending certain events.
If X was motivated by her inability to see R and me together, then suspending me is contrary to sex-positive principles.
The existence of R could only have been revealed to the KSC council if they had contacted me. Once again, this demonstrates their carelessness in evaluations and, I would argue, disqualifies Zep, Barbara, and Noah from holding any positions of power related to consent violations.
These matters are too delicate to be so recklessly administrated.
The advent of Speak Up groups was groundbreaking in addressing the needs of the most vulnerable individuals. However, secrecy and stiffness are major issues of this system. Verdicts are often reached without reconciliatory efforts or involving the offending party.
It is said that this protects the victim from suffering further abuse.
Aside from the naivety of such an assertion, a system inherently shrouded in secrecy is contrary to ethical standards and, when abused, undermines sex-positive principles.
Transparency and accountability are sorely lacking, leaving unresolved issues at both ends of the spectrum. When increasing emphasis is placed on punishment, some choose not to report infractions at all.
Without detracting from the invaluable work Speak Up has done in addressing the needs of the most vulnerable, and while we do not tolerate toxic behavior of any sort, we also do not want secret tribunals or having to fear that a misstep will result in a mindless punishment. Such practices do not contribute to the creation of a healthy environment.
At Sixth Sense, we would like to better understand these issues. Given the way Speak Up groups operate, our knowledge is limited.
If you have suffered a violation and perhaps did not report it, or if you believe that a report was mishandled, we would like to know more.
You can share as much as you want, and do so anonymously. I chose to make my story public, but yours does not need to be.
You can write to us directly:
consent@sixthsense.dk
Or fill up an anonymous form:
https://forms.gle/NqmPHhgMnAWY5UQRA
We would like to know if the awareness team reached out to you, whether it resulted in exclusion for the offending party, and if you felt safer afterward.
Are you now able to actively participate in events and social gatherings? Is there anything you wish had been done differently? And did you find the necessary help to heal and learn afterward?
We will incorporate your feedback into our ongoing efforts to create a system that ensures safety at our events. We publish our research for everyone to read, use, and further develop, and we update it as we learn more.
You can find out more at the following link.
https://sixthsense.dk/consent
Thank you for reading this far.
Respectfully,
Carlo Fioretti Rizzante
